"Keep It Simple, Slick!"
By jl scott, ph.d. Copyright 2002

I realize that hoards of new people are coming online every week. And, I can only HOPE that's the excuse for this, because I don't have time for idiot management, BUT ...

PLEASE learn to use text format email! You probably get a bazillion ezines already and 99% of them are done in TEXT. There's a REASON for that, Slick! Take the clue!

I have unsubscribed from all html ezines but ONE! Why do you think I have time to sit here waiting, with my browser frozen, while it struggles to connect to all your links and find all your overblown graphics? And, WHY do you want your ezine to look like all the html SPAM?

Even regular html email is a PITA. How am I supposed to read what you wrote over your jungle background? How am I supposed to read the part that you laid over your dark blue border because you haven't learned how to handle a table yet?

Can YOU read it? No? Then, why are you sending it to ME? Think I have powers you don't have?

Even without those silly backgrounds, I STILL don't want your html email! How am I supposed to read your pale yellow text on white? Do you send your off-line business correspondence looking that ridiculous? It's black type on white. Period!

If you want to be an artiste - do it on your personal (not business) web site! DON'T do it in my email. DON'T make ME change formats just so your fancy junk will copy into the reply.

And, do you READ the lists where you send that html email? Haven't you SEEN the mess it makes on the lists? Haven't you noticed that YOUR html message looks like hieroglyphics? Haven't you noticed that all messages don't look that way? Don't you think there might be an answer for that? Do you want people to read it or not?

If I could figure out how to do it, I'd make a filter that would bounce all html email. It would attach an autoresponder message to the sender of that obnoxious stuff. Here's what it would say ...

"Your email has just been dumped into my D-U-M folder, never to be seen by me.

I don't want to see your precious kitty cats blocking the words with their sweet little paws. I don't NEED to see your adorable puppy dogs going potty on the paper. I don't care about your gorgeous parrot background and I care even less about your red Maserati top-down convertible.

I don't want flashing banners, twinkling stars or cutsie dancing baby graphics cluttering up my email files. If you want to send me a display of orchids, call the florist.

I refuse to go blind trying to read your pink, lavender, yellow - or ANY color print. Black will do very nicely, thank you. So try again - try in TEXT format - and your email will reach my in-box. Send me a proper business letter and - lo and behold! - I'll even respond. Just like magic!"

This article may be republished using the following resource box:

dr. jl scott is the Director of the International Council of Online Professionals (iCop) - and also the publisher of THE iCop WHISTLE BLOWER! - the ezine dedicated to exposing scams and lack of ethics on the Web. For your FREE subscription: mailto:WhistleBlower-on@mail-list.com

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